Helplessly in Love

    I fell in love with you a long time ago. Many boys did in those days. I wrote you letters, love letters, and endured ridicule from my friends when the letters were exposed to everyone. I promised in those letters that I would make you my queen.

    You aren't my queen yet, but for over nine years, you've been living in my life and dreams as a princess. I know you've become a queen to someone else, and I'm genuinely happy for you.

    However, a problem is arising that's becoming humiliating for me. I'm starting to think, to think harder and clearer. I'm beginning to care about what's wrong, not just for my self-esteem, but for the value my love holds for me and you. I'm a grown-up man, and I cherish the innocent love I felt for you, which I still feel. It's once in a lifetime, and I'm alone in keeping it alive. Shame is creeping up inside my head not because I fell in love with your eyes and smiles, but because of what the world might say tomorrow, what your friends are saying today and will say tomorrow.

    I'm scared of what you might come to believe in the future. What if you stop caring about me? What if your pride surpasses my reach? I'll then question the life of shame I'm living, still loving you. I didn't love you for comparisons or judgments. I want to be valued by you because that's the least I can hope for in loving you, and I'm sure that I do.

    I have no idea what lies ahead, but I'm gearing up to race to the front, to take you over. You may not look back if I keep running behind you, but I will turn and look back wherever you are, even if I have to turn backward. Let's wish my love good luck!